I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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