I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
