is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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