im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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