I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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