i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
