OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
