just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
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