I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Banned from zoo.
Again?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
