i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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