Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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