tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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