I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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