Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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