i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
