There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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