I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
