And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
