i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
