Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
