rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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