i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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