You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I got inside last night via doggy door
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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