They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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