i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
