just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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