my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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