I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize