So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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