i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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