i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
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so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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