I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
PANTIES FOUND
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