So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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