And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
