We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
