My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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