I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
