So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize