I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
