totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
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