So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
