So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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