who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
