Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
