i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
