And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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