If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
