i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
