I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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