I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
