He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
