Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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