I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
