whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
