So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
