Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
