i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
