i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
