So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
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Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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