Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
