I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
