Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Dicks are not precious.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
