So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
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I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
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you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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