The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
