Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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