I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
