Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Randomize
