uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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