You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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