do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
