I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i think my cat just said my name.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize