You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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