Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
