Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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