Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
They are going to name an STD after you.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
