i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
