dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
