There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
