if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
