just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
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