he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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