I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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