I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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